


On my Mind

by RavenSnowStar94



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:40:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenSnowStar94/pseuds/RavenSnowStar94
Summary: "The Red Keep fell over me."She sucked in breath."And during the two days it took me to get out... I've had only you in my mind."
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	On my Mind

“You should tell him, Brienne.”

Brienne stiffened when hearing Sansa’s voice coming from behind her. She sat on the railing of her bedroom balcony, watching the sunset and thinking about everything.

Sansa was the new queen, but somehow coming to talk to Brienne seemed to be important while her schedule is still busy with her being new in the throne. The queen placed her hands on the railing, not caring that it was too cold and probably dirty.

“We all survived something...unreal. Take the opportunity to make decisions that would make you happy...I’ve been thinking about what I should do that would make me happy theses past few days.” Brienne looked at Sansa’s green eyes, they were glassy and hopeful at the same time. “Love. I hate to say something so romantic but love is something that moves everyone. It’s what in the end we all fight for.”

There was a silence then, followed by a wolve’s sound coming from the trees further away.

“I don’t necessarily adore him...but you care for the fool. And in all honesty, he has proven to have changed.”

“You have far too much belief that he reciprocates my feelings.” Brienne said after pondering for a second.

She didn’t want to sound pathetic, but Sansa’s reaction was a hushed laugh and then placing a hand on Brienne’s shoulder with amused eyes.

“My dear friend, he fancies you...a lot. You should trust in your queen.”

Sansa winks at her and goes back inside, disappearing through the bedroom’s door.

*****

Later that day Brienne entered the room where they dined, seeing Jaime talking with his brother on the other side of the room. His sandy hair had grey strands, and that made Brienne’s heart clench, remembering the way his hair was soft under her touch. How after surviving the Long Night she let herself be embraced by him, only to get her heart broken when he decided to go to King’s Landing during the last battle. 

She wouldn’t deny what she feels. Not when she clearly loved him so much that it was making her do foolish things and even make the queen worried about her heart.

Brienne loves Jaime and even if he did love her, he had loved his sister more.

Excusing herself from the room she found herself in the room where he knighted her, and tears were suddenly pooling in her eyes. She needed to go to her room and-

“My lady?”

His voice caught her by surprise.

"Can I have a moment with you?" He continued, probably understanding her silence as meaning that.

"I'm tired from the day...I should retreat to my rooms. Excuse me."

Not once turning to look at him she took some steps towards the door on the other side of the room. Her heart beating faster than drums of war.

"Can you look at me once at least?"

Her feet lingered on taking the next step, she turned to look at him with anger boiling inside of her.

"You dare ask me that? I was not the one wrong here…" His eyes glued to her and suddenly she become more and more relentless. "You made me feel so thin...one-one blow away from caving in...I dreamed that you were still there with me while everything burned in King's Landi-"

"The Red Keep fell over me."

She sucked in breath.

"And during the two days it took me to get out... I've had only you in my mind."

"That doesn't mean an iota to me. You still left."

With trembling legs Brienne continue the path to her room, and no steps following her could be heard. The only sound was of her tears finally falling and her trying to conceal the sobs coming out of her mouth.

*****

One month passed. Brienne noticed the looks she received from Sansa, and Podrick's long sighs every time they passed near Jaime. Since that night he must have take the hint and stayed out of her way, at first she rejoiced in victory but then...she didn't feel like a winner.

Podrick commented on her slightly loss of weight and how sleep was something rare to her nowadays, but she shrugged and ignored. She would not admit but deep down she regretted saying those last words to Jaime.

"Ok, enough."

Brienne was surprised by Sansa entering her room without knocking late at night, closing the door behind her with strength.

"You are being, sorry to say this, but an ass."

"My queen-"

"Tonight I'm not your queen. I'm friend and I want to give you an advice because you clearly are being a stubborn person." Sansa sat next to her in the bed and placed her small hand aniver Brienne's. "You love him. He loves you. He is already quite old and you can die whenever a war breaks out again. So do a favor to you two and just go kiss him already... honestly!"

Brienne laughed. 

"I have to rule the Seven Kingdoms and deal with your love life so don't laugh!"

"It's just...you sound like him."

Sansa blushed.

"Can you please stop avoiding the bigger problem here?"

"Sansa...I appreciate the talk but-"

The queen put her hand over Brienne's mouth.

"No buts. I need you to be happy. And if that means you being with a Lannister, so be it."

"The issue is that he broke my heart when he left."

They both stared at each other for a while, Sansa probably trying to read Brienne's feelings and when the queen rose on her feet, she exited the room without saying anything. Leaving Brienne confused but a little relieved.

That night Brienne dreamed of a house in the middle of a meadow, and inside the house Jaime sat in a chair looking out of the window while Brienne herself kissed his hair affectionately.

*****

Not only Sansa tried to persuade her constantly but Podrick decided to say something on the next day.

"Ser Jaime seems miserable."

He dodged an attack by Brienne and made an defence stance. She ignored what he was saying. So he once again sighed loudly, and then mumbled something she didn't catch it.

"Ser Brienne, I do not feel well. Would you help me get a healer?"

She relaxed and put her sword away, suddenly worried that she got excited and maybe hurt him.

He sat next to the wall and she hurried go find the healer. Brienne was worried because he seemed fine and suddenly a sickness got a hold of him? She hoped it has nothing to do with some sort of magic…

Tyrion passed by her with hurried steps and then stopped in front of the cabin where the Healer usually is. She found that quite strange, he turned to her and winked with a mischievous smile.

"You can go first, my lady. You seem to be in a hurry."

"Alright, my Lord…"

She entered the cabin and when she saw Jaime sitting in the table with a cut on his tight she immediately went to him.

They were both surprised when the door closed with force and they heard something being dragged to block the door, so even if they tried to break…

Brienne suspected in that precise moment that these was all a set up. To trap them in the Healer's cabin and maybe be obligated to talk with each other. Jaime was still perplexed that she was near him so she sighed, tired from all the drama she appeared to be in the middle.

"Are you even hurt?"

She pressed her finger on the cut and he yelped, she noticed he got a little pale. Between her trying to clean the blood off from his skin and the opening of flesh, he didn't open his mouth apart from the constant intake of air every time something hurt.

When the curative was set perfectly on his tight, she took a step back and leaned on the wall in front of him. He inspected where he was bleeding before and she felt as if he feared looking at her.

He then proceed to look at the closed door. His face contracted in anger.

"I can't believe he actually cut me!" He huffed in disbelief.

Brienne stayed in silence.

"Tyrion came suddenly at me and cut me with a knife...the Kingslay-urgh."

He tried to stand and of course it wasn't a good idea, he needed to let his leg heal before putting weight on it. Brienne placed both hands on his waist and proper him back on the table. 

"Stay quiet. Don't push yourself."

Jaime pressed his lips firmly and Brienne noticed she was still touching him. As if she had been touching fire, she flinched away and Jaime exhaled.

They stayed once again in silence. Brienne wondered how much time she would have to be subjected to this situation, and knowing Sansa probably has a finger on it she concluded that a few hours at least.

She touched the herbs over the shelf, feeling the dryness of some of them and the scent of mint coming from the cauldron in the unlit fireplace. Unfortunately her focus went once again to the man sitting at the table, now he was almost laying down because of fatigue.

His eyes were closed, his stump rested over his chest while his left hand kept caressing his shirt with no purpose.

"I'm sorry."

For a moment Brienne thought it was her imagination. Jaime still had his eyes closed, but now his lips were parted.

"I realized I haven't said that when it should have been the first thing to do when coming back." His green orbs made an appearance but were staring at the ceiling. "Sometimes I can be cruel, and it's something I hated in myself for a long time...but since I met you, since the pit, I wanted to change that about myself. Not for you only but for my sanity...there's this thing in me that build walls and never knew how to break them because I needed them. To survive I needed them...but while surviving, I completely forgot to live."

She couldn't help the step she took towards him. He didn't notice her movement and continued to talk.

"Hate me if you want. But, Brienne...I needed to go and see if I could save my sister from madness, I reached her too late though. She was mad with power and I wasn't able to save her." He tried to look at Brienne but closed his eyes once again. "Nothing in the world pained me more than to leave you that night...I held onto those moments with you when everything seemed lost and I kept hoping you would take me back, even after all those foolish things I did and will probably do because, well, it's me and I'm not so bright. The stupidest Lannister as they all say."

Her hand reached him, with hesitant fingers she traced the scars on his naked arm and rested over his shoulder. He shuddered under her touch and now he let himself look at her eyes. 

"You broke my heart, Jaime."

"I'm so sorry…"

"I loved you so much."

"And I will always love you. Even if you don't feel the same."

"But I do. And I hate myself for letting you back so easily in my life again, but life is meaningless without you. I can't help myself for wanting you by my side."

She pressed a kiss on his forehead, noticing how sweaty he was because of the exhaustion of blood loss.

"I was thinking of murdering Tyrion for the cut but I guess I have to thank him…"

Brienne's hand pushed his hair back, then pecking him on the lips. And how much he missed his lips…

"Wait." Jaime said smiling. "I need to know if you're sure you want me."

"God's, Jaime. Yes...I am. I told I love you, didn't I?"

"Alright, but you have to marry me then."

She blushed.

"That's- I don't think I'm going to be a proper wife…"

"In my eyes you are."

Jaime with his weak arms enlaced Brienne's neck and pushed her down, crashing their lips with passion. They were both lost in kisses when they heard the door opening and the healer entering.

"What in God's name are you two doing?"

The old man seeing Jaime's curative went click to him, shooing Brienne away.

She took a step out of the cabin, seeing Podrick, Sansa and Tyrion looking at her smugly.

Needless to say that after everything she was happy that they did this machiavellian plan to get her and Jaime to talk. And her mind was still fuzzy from Jaime's proposal..she always wanted that when she was a child but later on gave up on that, thinking that no person would love someone as ugly as she.

Jaime was the only person to lit that desire inside of her, to make her want more and when he went away... everything inside of her turned into a void.

With her soul on fire, she walked slowly to the trio, smiling sweetly at then.

"We have a wedding to plan, apparently."

**THE END**


End file.
